Funny Quatations

.So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!

• I need someone really bad... are you really bad?

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

• Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

• I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

• The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

• Don't hit me. My lawyer's in jail.

• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

• Help wanted: Telepathy ... you know where to apply.

• Hang up and drive.

• Lord save me from your followers.

• Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

• Born again pagan.

• God must love stupid people, he made so many.

• I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

• Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

• Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

• Wink, I'll do the rest!

• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

• Ax me about Ebonics

• Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel

• Boldly going nowhere

• CATS: The other white meat

• CAUTION - Driver legally blonde!

• Warning: I intentionally run over small, furry animals.

• Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

• Heart Attacks...God's Revenge for Eating His Animal Friends

• He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged

• Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window

• How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost.

• I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi... Oooh! Donuts!

• If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets

• If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now

• I'm an imbecile and I vote

• WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition

• What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull

• CAUTION: I drive just like you!

• If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.

• Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings."

• It's Been Lovely, But I Have To Scream Now.

• "Please Tell Your Pants It's Not Polite To Point."

• Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

• Constipated people don't give a crap.

• If you drink, don't park--accidents cause people.

• Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

• My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.

• To all you virgins: Thanks for nothing.

• If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling.

• If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.

• You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.

• The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

• I Have The Body Of A God......Buddha.

• This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.

• So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.

• Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

• If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

• The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.

• I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

• Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

• Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.

• Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them

• WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

• 5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.

• Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.