jokes

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!


Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!


Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!


SOME THINGS TO FOLLOW


1- Live to relax.
2 - Love your bed, it is your temple!

3 - Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night!
4 - Work is holy, so don't attack it!
5 - Don't do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards!
6 - Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done!
7 - Don't worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work!
8 - If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away!
9 - Don't forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick people!


Where do ants go to eat?
A.At a restaurant!
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
A.Antteneye!
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
A.An antphibian!


Q: Who is the bees favorite singer?
A: Sting!
Q: Who is the bees favorite pop group?
A: The bee gees!
Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk?
A: An animal that stinks and stings


Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!


Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"


Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.


Q. What has 4 eyes but no face?
A. Mississippi!


Q. What did the spider do on the computer?
A. Made a website!


Q. What letters are not in the alphabet?
A. The ones in the mail, of course!


Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4 then what is 4+4?
Student: Mam, it is not fair that U answer the easy ones and leave the hard ones for us!


Dentist's Clinic

Patient: It must be tough spending all day with ur hands in someone's mouth.

Dentist: I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.

Teacher: Rahul, How can U prove that the Earth is Round?
Student: I can't! Besides, I never said it is!!!!!!



Plan ur destination, choose d best path, move fast, dont let others overtake u.
Give them tuf comptetion,only then u'll become a gud


rani: U know mam, my mother fears a lot while crossing a road!teacher: How do U know that?rani: Becoz, she holds my hand while crossing!






Why do women eat so much during pregnancy?

because it is only the time to have a good excuse to be fat


Wat a RIP OFF! I saw a book in the store titled: 37 Mating Positions.
I took it home,sat in my room & opened it.
Damn.. It was a book on CHESS!



A good friend is like a computer
I 'enter' ur life,
'save' u in my heart,
'format' ur problems,
'shift' u 2 opportunities
& never 'delete' u from my memory!


Why couldn't the apple send
an e-mail to the orange?

Because the lime was engaged.




What happened 2 ur network?
I tried 2 call u but the operator
said "Welcome 2 the jungle,
the monkey u r trying to call is
on the tree....Plz try later."



Teacher: Why is your nose red?
Max: I smelled a b-rose.
Teacher: But there is no "b" in rose.
Max: There was in this one!



Q) Why do Gods stay up in heaven?
A) Because they are afraid of
what they have created!


MONEY say me "earn me lot"
time says me "plan me lot"
flower says me "love me lot"
sms says "send me lot"
& I say "remember me lot"




Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.



Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?"
Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?



Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
Doctor: Next please!



Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.



The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'
I use this joke for retelling in reported speech.




My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"




A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."



Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.



A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.




A person who speaks two languages is bilingual... A person who speaks three languages is trilingual.. .A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
What is a person who speaks one language?



If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?



Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway?



"Do you know what really amazes me about you?"
"No. What?"
"Oops. Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!"



My boss is so unpopular even his own shadow refuses to follow him.




You can use this joke to explain that insulting someone is considered funny especially when that person is fishing for a compliment.
Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.


A two seater plane has crashed in the graveyard in Punjab. Local Sardars have found 500 bodies so far and are still digging for more.

1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9+10= ? if u answer this u will be promoted to L.K.G……..



Q: What happens if you put together and mix a lawyer and a devil?
A: No change occurs!!

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.


How much does a doctor's brain cost?" He asks the butcher."Five dollars the kilo.""How about a waitress's brain?""Three bucks the kilo.""And for a personal Injury lawyer's brain?""$1,000 dollars the kilo.""Why so much?" Asks the confused lawyer."Well, you have no idea how many personal injuries we've had to kill to put together one kilo."